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BDSM Basics: What is a Submissive?

The Secret Submissive
6 min readJun 9, 2021

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9th June 2021 | The Secret Submissive

Photo by Artem Labunsky on Unsplash

The Oxford English dictionary uses the adjectival form of ‘submissive’ to define someone who is ‘too willing to accept somebody else’s authority and willing to obey them without questioning anything they want you to do’; it is synonymous with the words meek, passive and compliant. But what about the noun?

Over the last few years, we have all seen the wild media frenzy around fiction that portrays an abhorrently skewed view of BDSM and inaccurately perpetuates two-dimensional archetypes for both Dominants and Submissives (no shade intended.) As BDSM most certainly does centre on the concept of power exchange and usually involves the wild, kinky sex shown on the big screen, is it easy to see how the truth has been lost, somewhere along the way. To unlock the truth about what it really means to be a Submissive, we need to examine that power exchange in greater detail…

The Fundamentals:

Regardless of what we are led to believe from books, films and pornography, Submissives actually come in all shapes, sizes, ages and genders. As with any relationship, there is a Dom for every Sub and physical appearance is not an indication of one’s ability to submit. Submissives can come from all walks of life and quite often, their public-facing persona and day-to-day personality can…

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The Secret Submissive
The Secret Submissive

Written by The Secret Submissive

Twitter: @TSubmissive No longer actively writing & publishing

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